New Chapter....

The day finally arrived and has since come and gone. "What Day" you ask? MOVING DAY. I have been in Rochester since 08-31-09 and I am feeling quite at home. How is it that we are so easily adaptable to some things and others never seem to stick? The weather has been beautiful but I am being told OFTEN that this will soon change. I will post with pictures SOON, I promise. We just had Internet installed this week so it will be much easier to keep everyone informed. I have been a BAD BAD blogger.. Sorry.

The boys are doing well in school. They have made some friends and they LOVE diving at the pool with Cliff each night. It has been wonderful seeing Cliff everyday, I never dreamed that we would finally be at this point and I cannot tell you how happy I am to be here. I do miss some things, a little. I miss my job and LRP's antics. :) I miss swimming. I know I can go to the pool at R-I-T but who really wants to go to their future husbands place of employment in a swimsuit???? Not I... That much is CERTAIN.

The wedding date is driving everyone crazy, I know. I am sorry about that but not much I can do at this point. Frankly, I am sort of grateful for the extra time. I don't have cold feet but I feel very unprepared to share all of myself with anyone right now. Ridiculous? Maybe but I can't help that this is how I feel. No one seems to understand so I will NOT go in to this any further. Please just be patient with me and we will figure out the wedding date SOON!!! Thank you for all your thoughts and prayers. They are priceless.

It has been so nice to have some time off work. I love putting the boys on the bus in the morning and being here when they get home. What a blessing this has been while they transition in to their new lives here. I am very grateful for Cliff's patience in this area. He has not pressured me in the least and I am thankful for that. I was called back for a second interview this week though, so.. maybe something will come of it. Keep me in your prayers, please!

Ok.. I have stayed up entirely too late for the past few nights, I must get some rest. I just wanted to say hello and that we are all alive and WELL! Pictures will soon follow!

Too Many Good-Byes!!

It's official! I have had it with Good Byes... it seems that is all I do anymore. I wish that someone would come here and just STAY for once. My mum-in-law to be left today after a very short visit. Off to the airport I went to say Good Bye. (I now know where Cliff gets his quick Good Bye skills from.) This was a little easier than the other GB I had to experience today. Mia has been here with her beautiful daughter for the last week and I was not able to spend nearly enough time with them. Having little ones changes your schedule and certainly allows for little mommy and her playtime with her friend. I loved what time I got with Mia but it was certainly not enough. I was thankful for the few minutes during sacrament that we stepped out of the chapel to soothe a crying little Layna. If Andi and the boys had not been with me, I probably would have sobbed the entire drive home. I miss my friend. I miss seeing her every day and I miss crying on her shoulder. (and since I cry a lot.. I miss this very much:) I miss Andi.I miss my parents. I really miss Suzanne and her sweet little ones. I miss my sisters who I never get to see. I miss Corey and I miss Mr. Lovely. I wish everyone would just get here, say hello and stick around for more than 48 hours :) I love you all.

I'm so alone... There's no one here beside me! -Donkey

I am not sure if anyone even bothers looking here anymore. It has been nearly two months since my last post. I find myself with a desire to write tonight and some actual time to do so. I AM ALONE. ALL ALONE. Christian, is still in Arizona with his father. Corey, is frolicking with his cousins in Louisiana and Caleb & the Joemeister, left for Boys camp this morning. Unfortunately, my better half, decided that he absolutely had to take care of his responsibilities back home in Rochester, like work or whatever so he insisted that I take him to the airport this morning, against my better judgment. :)

So.. here I am in a very quiet living room with the very loud ticking of Big Ben that so kindly keeps me advised of the time. I was excited when I got home, to strip out of my work clothes and walk straight to the couch with some ice water and a book, where I then fell asleep for three hours completely oblivious to phone calls, rain, etc. Then, I woke up to nothing but a very quiet living room and the ticking of Big Ben. Hmmm.

It is still VERY QUIET. I miss my loud, stinky boys and I miss my honey. The last 24 hours has been filled with sad news. Yes, it is tragic that Billy Mays has passed but I am thinking more along the lines of family friends that have endured not one but two terrible incidents in the past 24 hours. It makes me think about how fragile our mortal lives are. So, this week, I decided that I will spend more time reading my scriptures and praying in the quiet living room where Big Ben ticks and tocks. I will walk longer and my heart will grow fonder of the loved ones who are away for a short time.
I am so thankful that the light is stronger than the dark. I am thankful that I have the knowledge I do and the loved ones that surround me. I miss my sister, Suzanne terribly. I miss her children who completely took over my house and my heart for the short time they were here. I miss Cliff talking about Bartow, Bartholemew (or Whatever his name is) and I miss hearing him say Grace. Not Grace like a blessing but Grace, the name. I want to watch him look at crib sets in the Penny's catalog and lay on the living room floor as the boys pace back and forth because it's Sunday and they cant go outside.
I am so thankful for this life and the opportunities it provides. I am thankful for all of you.

And thank you Big Ben. For without you, I may not know that it is 9:38pm. :)

A Perfectly Delicious Day of Fun in the Sun!

Our day started out with a Boyscout car wash! Corey held this sign, danced and screamed at cars for nearly three hours straight. (Brother Fazzini is very smart. He told Corey that he was the best looking kid in the troop and he was likely to get the most cars in for the fundraiser. Corey fell hook line and sinker!)

Caleb and Koti..... Oh my! These two danced and pleaded for money all day! They made $65.00 from people who just decided to donate money, without even having their cars washed!

So we made it home after 4 hours of car washing and when we walked in the house, I let out a sigh. There are boxes and garbage bags and painting supplies EVERYWHERE. The boys asked to go to the pool and without even thinking.... I SAID OH YEAH!!!!! Now it is a well known fact that I am NOT the outdoorsy type... However I am finding that I find the Florida Sun quite Delicious these days. I am going to bask in it all I can. Caleb and Koti played leap frog right into the pool!

Corey worked hard this morning... Here he is relaxing.

PAST, PRESENT & FUTURE

Conference always leaves me feeling so blessed and so..... dumb. How have I spent any of my life JUST NOT GETTING IT? It all seems so simple, don't you think? If we do what is right, we will be blessed. Hmmmm. Sounds easy enough.

IF ONLY THAT WERE TRUE. :) Speaking only about my own life... It can be hard. I can of course make it much harder than it was ever meant to be. I think of my PAST. What is there to be said really? What a dumb girl I was. SO.. if given the chance do I take it all back? At first, one might think "Ummm YES!" However, if I think about this for longer than half a second, I see four little faces and my heart breaks. Of course you don't take it back. Is there an option to simply delete certain things? No.. No there is not.

PRESENTly, I just have to deal with these things. Somethings, Most things... affect more than just myself.. again, things I have to deal with. I am not sure why it is so hard to ask for help. Over and Over we have been promised that we are never far from comfort.

" I will not leave you comfortless: I WILL come to you."

-John 14:18

Neil L. Anderson, Quorum of the Twelve Apostles said on Sunday: "The Lord will shape the back to fit the burden placed upon it." So.... FUTURE: I will deal. I will spend as little time as possible feeling sorry for myself and angry for the choices I have made. I WILL do my best to continue working on being happy and satisfied to just be happy. :) Certain things from my past may never leave me but I know that there is hope for a HAPPY FUTURE. Aren't we so amazingly loved and blessed to have the opportunity to work through our sin, no matter how big or small?

I know that who I once was has molded the person that I am today. This person will continue to mold the face I will see in the mirror in the days to come and well..... I just hope that I am not a hunchback from all that molding. :)

I am so thankful for the Prophet and those who serve at his side. How blessed we all are to receive such divine inspiration. Regardless of our time and place in life.... We are so loved by Heavenly Father and his precious son, Jesus Christ. If we follow the commandments and hold true to the covenants that we make......

LIFE... IS GOOD!

CONFERENCE... is GOOD!

I... AM GOOD!

( Well, I am working on it anyway!)

Something New

So, I decided tonight that we needed a bit of a change. This may be attributed to the fact that Cliff does not have much of a voice and I dont know what to do with myself when we do not talk for hours at a time in the evening.. There is a chance that my eyes were growing tired of the other background. Am I the only one that strained to read on the other one, depite how fabulous the color scheme was? Either way, I felt that these colors were more than appropriate for spring. Hope you enjoy. I miss you all.

Oh my life to come... I covet thee!

Another weekend has come and gone and one more precious visit with Mr. Lovely has passed all too soon.

Top Ten from this visit is as follows:

ONE: Cliff was here.. with me.. within arms length at ALL times for 48 glorious hours.

TWO: We were prepared for this visit with a "To Do List" of all the things we wanted to get done while he was here. Like washing the car, shopping for Primer, etc.

THREE: WE did not do ONE SINGLE THING on that "To DO List".. unless making out was on the list.. :-) hehehe

FOUR: Saturday evening.. no children in site.. Cliff on the computer and me at his side, making chocolate pretzels.

FIVE: All but sitting on Cliff's lap for three straight hours during church and Bishop laughing at us.

FIVE: "My Truck Overfloweth."

SIX: Sitting in the chapel long after sacrament was over with Cliff and the boys, talking about nothing really and ...well.. Corey rubbing Cliff's head....A LOT!

SEVEN: Ear Infection= Amoxicillin. Amoxicillin (which is free at Publix by the way but completely unrelated) = NO APPETITE! No Appetite= AWESOME!

EIGHT: Cliff and Corey, laying on the floor, Sunday afternoon sharing ear buds.

NINE: Watching the boys hug Cliff before bed as he says to each of them "Good Night Son."

TEN: Getting a small glimpse of my life to come. My life in June that includes being with Cliff each day and figuring out how we will work on a To Do list and not just sit around oogling over each other all day. :)

What a wonderful weekend. I love you honey!

OKAY PEOPLE.... HAVE YOU FORGOTTEN?

Alright, SO I KNOW that my other blog can be a bit mushy and lovey dovey to Cliff but come on... HAVE YOU FORGOTTEN that I have another blog??? I have not received a comment on my cliffandsteph.blogspot.com since I don't even know when. I have a lot that I want to put up but I don't think that Cliff has even been looking at it. So.. YES, I am begging for viewers. I have a lot to say and a lot to post.. unfortunately just not a lot of time, which I am working on. So please know that I am so appreciative of you stopping by this blog, I would love it if you would add my other one to your Favorites and drop a line or two there as well. :)

Thank you. !!! :)

Birthday Fun!

Birthday Parties for boys are SOOO EASY!!! This is Corey: RUNNING.. he did this for most of the four hours that we were at the park Saturday for his party. The boys raced each other, skated and played football until they nearly threw up... from heat and too much soda!!

Thirteen Boys played football without One fight! There was some tearing of clothes and a few bumps and bruises though!

Corey loved his cake but Publix made quite a bit of me last week between the cupcakes and the cake..

And really... what would a party be without children hanging from the rafters... literally!! :)

This is J.J., Andra's son. He is just so cute that I had to add it. He and Corey have become good pals.!

I can not believe Corey is 11 already. my friend, Jen, was just telling me today that her son just turned 16!! Ughhhh, where does the time go? Thank you to all who sent Corey birthday cards and calls. He had a great birthday that lasted all week long. We love you all!

Sometimes.... I get scared.

As time is passing somewhat quickly toward June, I find myself becoming overwhelmed with decisions and A LOT OF FEAR! Don't get me wrong, I love Cliff more than I thought it possible to love another human being (other than my children, of course) but I am starting to freak out a little. I am leaving a job that I feel very secure in...I am worried about finding another job, (I am NOT very impressive on paper.)I am leaving the only place that I have ever known. I am leaving a church family that I absolutely LOVE. Most of all, I am taking my children and moving in with a man!!!!! It has been just the boys and I for so long that I kind of felt like this was it. I had somewhat accepted the fact that I would raise them alone and Mr. Right may or may not come along later in life.... Then, like a ton of bricks, I fell in love with Cliff. Somehow, I was lucky enough that he fell in love with me too. I feel that only Heavenly Father could have brought us together but why am I suddenly so scared? I am so worried that I will not be able to be the wife that he needs. I am worried that the kids and I are just going to be more than he bargained for. We only spend a few days together here and there. What if this is just not what we thought it could be? Cliff is this amazing man that has been righteous and wonderful his entire life and I am just about as big of a mess as anyone could ask for. My past is enough to drive anyone away and somehow, Cliff has been wonderful enough to look past it all. What if it all just becomes too much?

It is much easier for me to think about how much I absolutely ADORE Cliff Devries and how desperately I want to be his Mrs. but sometimes... I get scared. I am sure this is normal and I am not trying to be full of doom and gloom but this is BIG. Our lives are going to change in a HUGE way and it is all happening so fast. The boys love Cliff and I am so thankful that they have taken to him so well. Cliff, of course, what can even be said there. He has just opened his heart to all of us and we are so blessed because of it.

Despite how wonderful he is and how much I love him.. Sometimes... I get scared. I obsess over my body and how much I hate it. I know that this next part may just seem nuts but I have spent the last 14 years being sad (most of the time) I have spent the last 14 years feeling that I was not worth much and that I was worthy of even less. That has been me. I found some much needed happiness through my friendship with Mia but still, I was sad. How does that just go away? I find that sometimes I have to swallow the lump that is in my throat when Cliff calls because I just do not want to have to explain that I am crying and sad for absolutely no reason other than I am just crying and sad. (I am nuts, I know.)

Sometimes... I get scared but I know that I love this man. I love this man. I love this man and I want to be his wife for time and all eternity.

Sorry, this one was kind of a bummer... Thanks for reading.

What it Means to have BOYS...

A new love for diving must be practiced daily. There are no indoor pools here, so of course it makes total sense to "dive" off the couch!

Over and Over

And Over Again!

Grandpa's old hard hat becomes a treasured keep sake. Favorite Books Include Captain Underpants. All cables and cords are saved FOREVER because " someday we may need them for SOMETHING!!!" (These are truly Alton Turner's great grandchildren.)

This is the reason that NO ONE can ever find their SOCKS..

Boys: " Mom, I don't have any socks."

Mom: " Go look in your sock drawer"

Boys: " I just looked, there is nothing in there."

Mom: "I just gave you socks to put in the drawer yesterday, where are they?"

Boys: "I don't know."

Mom: " What is all this? Where are your Socks?"

:)



Apparently, one can NEVER have too many Footballs, Basketballs or Baseballs!!

A cardboard box can be made in to anything, including a race car, COMPLETE with STEERING WHEEL.

Awesome Race Cars that Corey and Caleb made out of a Hammock Box.

Oh! We cannot forget the Bounty of Dirty Socks! These things could stand up and run away from me at anytime, I am sure of it. They are crusty and smelly and EVERYWHERE! This is the other reason no one ever has socks, they are thrown all over the place!!

Sunday Dinner... when company comes to visit!

His first trip to the Temple!!

Please Excuse the garbarge on the trunk of the car. I considered cropping this picture, but hey... This is real life. I do have to drive my garbage to the dumpster, EVEN on the way to take Caleb to his FIRT TEMPLE TRIP!! Iam so proud of you Caleb for being worthy to enter The House of the Lord. My prayer for you is that this is the first of many trips that you will take throughout your time here on earth. I love you.

He looked happier in the picture that I took of him ALONE!! :)

Florida vs. New York

Okay... So in the first picture... Mia and I are hanging out in a hammock at Eric's place in Florida on the lake. The date: 01/10/09. The other two pictures were taken 6 days later on 01/16/09 at Cliff's place in New York. Hmmmm.

We all had a wonderful time. Caleb and Corey LOVED the snow. These pictures were taken just after 9am on our first morning there. We hated that Christian was not able to come with us but hopefully, he will be able to check it all out soon. I should have taken some pictures at the pool. They were able to dive at RIT twice while we were there. Andi, Cliff's mother took them to the science museum, TWICE. I of course just enjoyed spending time with Cliff and the family. We will certainly have to LAYER because it is freezing there but hey... Who doesn't like to layer?

We are certainly looking forward to all the changes ahead. We have a lot to do and we are all very excited for all of it. I am sorry that I have been a total Blog Slacker. I will work on it around my phone calls with Cliff!